I get that setting boundaries isn’t sexiest topic, but it truly is one of my favorite things to talk about. When I started my old job, I was tasked with introducing myself to the team via a template they had put together. As I started answering all the questions I realized my professional introduction could be boiled down to “Hi I’m Kristin. And I like structure and boundaries.” It became a bit of a running joke while I was there. Things would start to go off the rails and I would jump in with “Structure and Boundaries!”

I think that setting boundaries for yourself is one of the best things you can do for yourself in terms of self-care. It’s worth the time and energy to think through what you truly want in a given situation, what you are responsible for, and then whether or not you think you are being taken advantage of. It’s also important to remember, if you answer yes to that last one…the other person is likely not doing it on purpose! The vast majority of the time people do not know you are uncomfortable with a situation unless you tell them with your words.

So…here’s an example from my corporate past. I had started a new position at the same company and was working with a whole new cast of characters. I moved from doing daily customer support activities to a big internal project team. It was the same company, but a completely different culture that I had to learn. I already had my work email accessible on my phone and had notifications turned on, because in my old role an email at 10pm meant something needed immediate attention. Very quickly in my new role I noticed emails coming in just as frequently between 5pm to midnight as they did during normal working hours. And I read every single one. And usually responded right away. After a few months of this, I was exhausted from feeling like I was constantly working even when I wasn’t at work. So I finally brought it up to my boss.

And what a revelation! He clued me in to the fact that, yes, we had a lot of self-professed workaholics on the team and, no, I did not need to be reading emails after working hours, let alone responding to them. At that point I set a boundary for myself. I turned off my email notifications on the my phone (but kept my inbox accessible because I was traveling a lot). I then sent a quick note to the worst email offenders and let them know that I wouldn’t be checking email after 6pm and if there was a true emergency that they could call or text me to get in touch. There was zero push back and I reclaimed my life outside of the office. Now were there instances later where someone was frustrated that I didn’t read the email they sent at 10pm before our 7am meeting? Sure. But those conversations were a bit easier to have because I had already established that boundary and set expectations.

Setting boundaries is a skill that has to be learned and practiced. But trust me when I say the more you do it, the easier it becomes! When you take the time to examine these situations you learn more and more what you need to be successful. People might try to make it seem like you are being lazy or aren’t being a team player. But that isn’t the truth and don’t let it derail your progress. I know people who are struggling because they told their boss their working hours could be flexible, but it now means they are basically on call 24/7. Setting boundaries doesn’t mean you are backing out of a promise of flexibility. You can still be flexible, but maybe you need more notice of late hours or maybe you need to set aside certain days where you won’t work late.

Are these conversations always easy to have? Of course not! You are risking disappointing someone, like Brene says in the title quotation. But it is so important to make sure you are taking care of yourself. People love to talk about self-care and they reference baths, face masks, exercise, etc… but I think setting boundaries will get you the biggest bang for your buck in terms of self-care.

You’ve probably heard this quote before and either used it yourself, or had it used against you, to support cranking through your to-do list. Because otherwise you would be that worst of all bad things…a procrastinator! We are taught in some sense, and by the use of this quotation, that productivity is measured in number of things accomplished as quickly as possible. I have also always subscribed to that belief until pretty recently.

A few months ago I read an article with headline “Manage your energy, not your time.” And it stuck with me. I’ve always been really good at time management – making lists, calendar blocking, setting a timer for tasks I dread – but I’ve never been great at managing my energy. I tend to put 100% effort into everything as it pops up on my to-do list, which means by the middle of the work day I’m pretty much spent. And while it seems like I’m being more productive because I’m checking things off my list, it actually reduces the amount of total work I’m able to get done in a day, not to mention the quality of the work I’m doing.

I’ve worked in several difference environment with several different bosses and teams. Each situation had a unique set of expectations that came with unique challenges, but I found more success overall by sticking to the formula below as closely as possible.

– Look at the full picture. Whether it’s taking time at the beginning of the week or at the beginning of each day, take stock of everything that needs to get done and by when. Organize tasks into priorities and schedule them. Managing your time would look like blocking your calendar for “working time” and then just tackling your to-do list during that time. Managing your energy would be determining when you feel the most creative and scheduling time to create those slides, graphics, etc… during that time. Or when you feel the least cranky during the day and earmarking that hour for answering email.

– Use the snowball method. You may have heard of this method in reference to paying off debt. Start with the small things first and leverage the momentum to carry you through the bigger things. This works with task lists also, it feels good to check things off and it motivates you to do more. In fact, I know a guy who tops his daily to-do list with “get out of bed” just so he can start each day with a win.

– Break up undesirable tasks. I hate making power point decks. I always use too many words and not enough graphics. I’ve never gotten the hang of what should be in the main deck vs the appendix. However, this was a pretty central responsibility in my last two jobs. So I would plan at least three chunks of time to work on my slides. The first round was just outlining – I’d create the title and agenda slides, then just put the headers on each subsequent slide. Then I’d take a break and do something else. Round two was all the words. I didn’t hold back and just loaded those slides up with walls of text. Then I’d take a break and do something else. The third round was going back and editing the words down and really thinking through places where I could show something instead of telling. And then if I had time for a fourth round, that’s where I’d make formatting changes if needed. In order to make this process work for me I had to plan pretty far in advance of when these slides needed to be completed. Sometimes my breaks were just a short coffee break or another meeting. Other times I could wait a full 24 hours before coming back to it. Both ways let me be much more productive with my time than if I sat with those slides and just forced my way through in one sitting.

– Be over prepared, if possible. This is a bonus tip if you are doing a lot of work at someone else’s request. They are going to ask questions. There will be follow-up. Once you’ve gone through that process once or twice you should be noting what kinds of questions you are getting frequently and start coming prepared with those answers. For example, if you are in a role that is creating new processes for a certain group of people and presenting them to leadership for approval…be prepared to answer the questions of how much is this going to cost,will this take more time than the current process (if yes, how much), and have you run this past any of the end users to get their feedback? You will be asked these questions even if they weren’t in the original request for information. Coming to a meeting over prepared is going to save you a lot of back and forth time in the long run.

You may have seen these tips before but maybe not int he context of thinking about how to best use your energy throughout the day or week. SO go ahead and try it out. It might just help you to work smarter instead of harder. Or it might give you back a few well earned moment in you day.

How often have you denied yourself to even consider a dream or a hope because it seemed impossible or someone else said you shouldn’t do it? I am raising my hand x100 over here. My whole life has been a series of attempts to follow the shoulds, the dos, the musts. And guess what? It never quite worked out how I thought it would.

We often find ourselves asking “what-if” in an attempt to explore worst case scenarios. People live their lives planning for “what if I lose my job?” or “what if I get sick?” We have insurance and savings accounts to feel more secure about the unknown. Because what if everything goes terribly wrong? Now, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with insurance and savings…but so often that desire for security becomes a limiting belief that seeps into all parts of our lives.

At the beginning of this year I set a goal for myself to explore the gray areas and get more comfortable in chaos. And as we all know…2020 has been nothing if not chaotic! And right now, in the midst of chaos and uncertainty, I am challenging myself to ask the following questions – What if everything goes terribly right? What if I take a chance and it works out?

I fully recognize and appreciate that my privilege has meant that the majority of my life has been comfortable and safe and secure. That the fact I can sit here and spend time writing this blog post is not a luxury everyone can afford. Some people are too focused on getting food on the table and can’t fathom shaking their lives up any more.

But, I truly believe that when we start changing the perspective not he questions we ask ourselves…we start to see opportunities open up. We see open pathways where we used to see the mustn’ts, don’ts, shouldn’ts and impossibles.

Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.

Welcome to FoxyEverAfter! After a lot of thinking, talking and planning…I am finally launching my blog! John Steinbeck is my favorite writer and I chose the quote above because it represents what I want this space to be.

Freedom from respectability: things will probably get messy here. I will share my opinions about all kinds of topics, I’ll definitely make mistakes, and likely I’ll say things you don’t agree with. But I’m not here to create a specific atmosphere. I’m here to write and find my voice and show up for an audience.

Freedom from the necessity of being consistent: This isn’t a fashion blog or a beauty blog. It isn’t a blog about social justice and politics. But that doesn’t mean I won’t talk about those things along with goal setting, the Enneagram, meal planning, organization…and whatever else I decide to write about. An exception to my no consistency rule is that since this blog is a place for me to find my voice and practice writing for an audience, I am committing to posting every Wednesday and Friday for the time being.

Lack of these two can really tie you down: After feeling tied down by these things (and more) for the past several years, I quit my job last month. Yup. In the middle of economic uncertainty and a global pandemic, I quit my steady, secure, and (not so) well paying job. The truth is it was sucking the life out of me. I was unhappy with trying to show up 100%, being told it wasn’t good enough, and then not having anything left over for myself or my family at the end of the day. Definitely expect more on this later, but for now know that I want to be a writer, so I’m showing up here to write!

So that’s why I’m launching this blog. I’ve actually written this “1st post” a few times…each time it comes out a little differently. I don’t know what this blog is really going to be besides a little bit of what’s inside my head written out to share. I will talk about BLM and what I am learning about my own privilege, I will talk about how I’ve managed my anxiety, both well and poorly, during the pandemic, and I’ll talk about setting goals and how I motivate myself towards progress. I’ll also probably talk about other things like meal planning and recipes! Things will get heavy and some days will be light. But that’s life, right?

So feel free to follow along if you are interested. If you feel moved to do so, write a comment. If you have a question of me, ask it.

More than anything this is an exercise in stepping out of my comfort zone and expanding into a new space creatively. Thanks and I miss you all.