I get that setting boundaries isn’t sexiest topic, but it truly is one of my favorite things to talk about. When I started my old job, I was tasked with introducing myself to the team via a template they had put together. As I started answering all the questions I realized my professional introduction could be boiled down to “Hi I’m Kristin. And I like structure and boundaries.” It became a bit of a running joke while I was there. Things would start to go off the rails and I would jump in with “Structure and Boundaries!”

I think that setting boundaries for yourself is one of the best things you can do for yourself in terms of self-care. It’s worth the time and energy to think through what you truly want in a given situation, what you are responsible for, and then whether or not you think you are being taken advantage of. It’s also important to remember, if you answer yes to that last one…the other person is likely not doing it on purpose! The vast majority of the time people do not know you are uncomfortable with a situation unless you tell them with your words.

So…here’s an example from my corporate past. I had started a new position at the same company and was working with a whole new cast of characters. I moved from doing daily customer support activities to a big internal project team. It was the same company, but a completely different culture that I had to learn. I already had my work email accessible on my phone and had notifications turned on, because in my old role an email at 10pm meant something needed immediate attention. Very quickly in my new role I noticed emails coming in just as frequently between 5pm to midnight as they did during normal working hours. And I read every single one. And usually responded right away. After a few months of this, I was exhausted from feeling like I was constantly working even when I wasn’t at work. So I finally brought it up to my boss.

And what a revelation! He clued me in to the fact that, yes, we had a lot of self-professed workaholics on the team and, no, I did not need to be reading emails after working hours, let alone responding to them. At that point I set a boundary for myself. I turned off my email notifications on the my phone (but kept my inbox accessible because I was traveling a lot). I then sent a quick note to the worst email offenders and let them know that I wouldn’t be checking email after 6pm and if there was a true emergency that they could call or text me to get in touch. There was zero push back and I reclaimed my life outside of the office. Now were there instances later where someone was frustrated that I didn’t read the email they sent at 10pm before our 7am meeting? Sure. But those conversations were a bit easier to have because I had already established that boundary and set expectations.

Setting boundaries is a skill that has to be learned and practiced. But trust me when I say the more you do it, the easier it becomes! When you take the time to examine these situations you learn more and more what you need to be successful. People might try to make it seem like you are being lazy or aren’t being a team player. But that isn’t the truth and don’t let it derail your progress. I know people who are struggling because they told their boss their working hours could be flexible, but it now means they are basically on call 24/7. Setting boundaries doesn’t mean you are backing out of a promise of flexibility. You can still be flexible, but maybe you need more notice of late hours or maybe you need to set aside certain days where you won’t work late.

Are these conversations always easy to have? Of course not! You are risking disappointing someone, like Brene says in the title quotation. But it is so important to make sure you are taking care of yourself. People love to talk about self-care and they reference baths, face masks, exercise, etc… but I think setting boundaries will get you the biggest bang for your buck in terms of self-care.