I’ve been wanting to write a post about the idea of toxic positivity for awhile. I know I’ve referenced it and called it out on previous posts but right now I feel like it merits a more in depth look.

If you aren’t familiar with the concept – think “good vibes only” or “just look on the bright side” type platitudes. To me, it feels especially sinister because of how pretty it all looks. I mean, we all want to be happy positive people, right? What could possibly be toxic about that? The problem comes when this kind of “positive outlook” is promoted in a way that diminishes the real and valid negative feelings that we all experience. I especially hate the phrase “cheer up, it could be worse!” Like me feeling sad about my present circumstances isn’t valid because of some imaginary worse case scenario that didn’t play out.

Toxic positivity shows up in a lot of places. It can be used by Instagram influencers who tell you their success is primarily due to “positive thinking.” It could come from a well-meaning partner who doesn’t feel things as deeply as you do and just wants to help you to feel better. I’ve been told to “just be zen about it” after experiencing verbal abuse in the workplace. While these examples come from a place of good intentions, they can still be detrimental to our mental health and personal growth.

Toxic positivity can also come from those with less-that-good intentions. Monday was Martin Luther King Jr Day and social media was plastered with quotes and pictures praising the man for his relentless pursuit of peace. But this year I saw a lot more people posting some of his less with the primary purpose of calling out people who cherry-pick and co-opt the words of MLK Jr to support their message of peace over justice.

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that.” People twist these words to promote toxic positivity. They don’t stop to consider what is meant by “light” and “love.”

Light and Love can show up as righteous anger, which can, and should, be used to call out the darkness of hatred or apathy.

Light and Love can show up when we hold our friends, neighbors, and public figures accountable for their actions.

Light and Love can show up as protests to call attention to injustice.

Light and Love can show up as an investigation into wrongdoings.

Light and Love is what will reveal what is hiding in the darkness. Light and Love drive away the desire to conceal the sickness, the rot, the decay that isn’t immediately visible. And once the light reveals what is in the darkness, it can be acknowledged and addressed to allow for healing. But healing cannot come if we just skim the surface and focus on “good vibes only.”