accountability

Friday Five Things 4/1

~ kofriedery ~ Leave a comment

“Show up, show up, show up, and after a while, the muse shows up too.” – Isabel Allende

Hi friends and happy April. I know I haven’t been showing up here recently, but, like my daffodils in the garden, I seem to be re-emerging with the spring. The truth is that real life has been taking a lot of energy and I just haven’t felt like showing up anywhere else. Part of it is that I feel the muse has abandoned me so I’m trying to hold tightly to the quote above. If I commit to showing up myself, she might just come back around.

  1. Springtime – January and February are always a drag for me. They were a little less dismal this year thanks to the magic of bright light therapy, but it still felt like a slog. I am always grateful when spring shows up and brings back sunshine and warmth into my life.
  2. New routines – So in a big change, I’ve gone back to work. A former employer reached out to see if I would be interested in coming back in a temporary capacity to help get a project finished up. I said yes, so long as I can just work part-time. Thankfully they were on board with that so I now find myself back in the workforce on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays. This has forced me to create some new routines around getting my creative stuff done as well as all the other household things. I actually thrive with external structure and I’m enjoying settling into a new weekly routine! I might do a separate post sometime and get all into the nitty gritty because I love seeing day-in-the-life/week-in-the-life type stuff from people so I assume there are others with the same kind of curiosity!
  3. Meal plan/prep – Since I’m working three days a week now, I’ve changed up my meal planning and prepping game to be more intentional about picking quick & easy dinners, prepping ingredients ahead of time, and leveraging leftovers. For the past two weeks I’ve made a pasta dish that we also eat on Tuesday. Then Wednesday/Thursday is a curry dish using vegetables that I cut up earlier in the week. Neither dinner really needs a recipe and you can choose vegetarian or not, you can change up the proteins you use (FYI – salmon curry is delightful!), and you can mix it up with the veggies. Also, I’ve made my own curry sauce and found that the store bought simmer sauces are often just as good (if not better in my case…). And right now I’m all about an easy shortcut like that when I know I can make the rest of the meal super healthy. It might seem like a super simple tip, but doing these easy throw together meals and prepping as much ahead of time has been a game changer for me as I’m adjusting to a new schedule.
  4. Yoga – A woman I follow on Instagram posted a three minute yoga flow a couple months ago and I’ve been loving doing it a few times a week. It seems to help with my posture as well as some little aches and pains, not to mention settling my brain for a bit! Here’s the link if you want to try it out. 3 minute yoga flow
  5. Reading nook – Several months ago we finally got rid of our broken treadmill that was just taking up space. All of a sudden I had an empty corner that needed to be filled and I decided I wanted to create a cozy reading nook for myself. I shopped around for the perfect chair, then had to wait until that perfect chair came back in stock. Tyler bought me a cute succulent shaped pillow and made a beautiful side table. Then I added a rug, blanket, and lamp. And now I have the coziest little place to sit at night and read before bed! It’s so fun how even after living somewhere for seven years you can create a new space and make it all feel brand new again.

Friday Five Things 9/24

~ kofriedery ~ Leave a comment

“Not what we have but what we enjoy constitutes our abundance.” – Jean Antoine Petit-Senn

First of all, this has been one of those weeks where I’ve lost track of what day it is…pretty much every day. I only knew today because my phone alarm went off to remind me to take the trash out to the curb for pickup! Anyway, it’s been a pretty good week and, like usual, I’m happy to be here sharing my thoughts with you.

  1. Freedom to adjust priorities. If there was a theme to this week it would be adjusting priorities. I’ve had a lot of things come up that have gotten in the way of my writing or my gardening or any number of other things on my weekly to-do list. But I remember someone once making the comment that we should change our perspectives from “I don’t have time to do xyz” to “Xyz isn’t a priority for me right now.” And to see how that feels. For example, this week writing has not been a priority and I’m okay with that. This month putting money into the “vacation” bucket hasn’t been a priority because of various other things and I’m okay with that. What doesn’t feel okay is to say that my health isn’t a priority. Or my family isn’t a priority. Or taking care of my animals isn’t a priority. So things had to adjust and rearrange this week and guess what…probably next week my priorities will look a little different!
  2. Getting outside every day. Speaking of priorities! I did not make getting outside every day a priority in August and I think I suffered for it. While I haven’t been able to hike as much recently as I’d prefer, I have been taking the dog on daily walks around the neighborhood and I think we are both benefiting from the routine of it. Getting outside before I dive into whatever else needs to be done helps me clear my mind and start things off on the right foot.
  3. Meditation. Something else that I decided to make a priority this week was doing short little meditations when I started to feel like things were going off the rails. Anywhere from two to five minutes of focusing on my breathing and clearing my mind. I do a visualization of a big black hole in front of me and any thought that comes into my mind while I’m meditating gets thrown into the black hole. Need to put away laundry? Not now, into the black hole it goes. Worried that I had too much sugar last night? Who cares, into the black hole. Getting overwhelmed with my ambitious writing goals? BLACK HOLE IT!!!! Somehow it just works for me, once something goes into the black hole it doesn’t come back until the meditation is finished. Also, I’m always amazed at how many thoughts can pop into my head in the span of two minutes!!
  4. Tackling home projects. Today I installed a new utility sink in our laundry room all by myself! Well…Tyler helped me troubleshoot an issue and even ran out to the hardware store to grab the right connection to solve the problem. But I was the one who put everything together from assembling to sink to connecting the water and the drain. I plumbed! I also understand why plumbers charge so much money! But I did it and now I have a functioning sink. Which (hopefully means) no more handwashing large items in the bathtub. Or rinsing out paint brushes in my bathroom! Love that accomplished feeling!
  5. Matt Amodio. If you watch Jeopardy, you know that Matt is having an awesome run of it right now! I don’t know what it is, but I’m enjoying watching him so much. He seems really humble and down to earth. I also feel like he is genuinely surprised and delighted each time he wins. Go Matt Go!!

Friday Five Things 8/20

~ kofriedery ~ Leave a comment

“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” – Soren Kierkegaard

Getting this out a little late this week, but better late than never. Last night I had the privilege of attending a fundraiser gala and the featured speaker was Eric Weihenmayer who is the first blind man to summit Everest. His story has always been inspiring to me and it was incredible to listen to him speak in person. He infused that room with encouragement and motivation about how change is difficult and full of struggle, but the end is worth it. We also each got a copy of is new book and I’m excited to read it soon and report on it here!

  1. Encouragement and motivation. In addition to getting inspired from the talk last night, I’ve been feeling very encouraged and motivated in my writing recently from people I’ve been talking with. I’ll be honest, sometimes I feel embarrassed to tell people that I quit my job to write a book. Like, I’m not worth as much to the world because I’m not working. Or that I don’t deserve to not be working full time because I don’t have kids to take care of. But when I’ve told people what I’m doing, the response has been overwhelmingly positive. Most commonly people tell me that they are excited for me and that they can’t wait to read my novel. I think it’s easy for me to get stuck inside my head with what I assume people’s expectations are of me. When I actually get out and talk to people I realize that there are no expectations really. And that most people will celebrate the fact that someone they care about is happy and pursuing their dreams.
  2. Late-summer cleaning. I’ll be honest, Tyler and I are not clean freaks by any stretch of the imagination. I guess that’s a good thing, given we have two cats and a dog running the house. I do my best on a daily and weekly basis to mostly keep a handle on the dirt, but it still builds up. I’ve also never been super into spring cleaning. I get the idea, after being cooped up in your house all winter you want to freshen things up. My problem is that in the spring…I don’t want to spend my time inside cleaning! But when it’s unbearably hot outside in mid-August? I’ll happily spend my days inside wiping down baseboards and cleaning out closets! To me this is a perfect example of managing time vs. managing energy. To keep me inside in the spring just to fit into the pattern of spring cleaning would completely zap my motivation. But a late-summer cleaning is the right match for me!
  3. Empathetic pets. Earlier in the week I was watching an episode of a tv show that just hit my emotions hard and I started crying. All of a sudden I was surrounded by my sweet sympathetic animals who just wanted to make sure I was okay. One of the cats ran over to me and snuggled up next to me and the dog started nosing my arms out of the way so she could get to my face. Of course this ended with the dog trying to scare the cat off, assuming in her mind that the cat was making me cry. So it all ended in laughter but it was such a sweet moment with them.
  4. This quick and easy dinner recipe. It was so easy to make, it’s relatively healthy, and it was SO YUMMY! I highly recommend for a weeknight dinner.
  5. Jeopardy drama. I was THRILLED to see that Mike Richards decided to step down from being the new host of Jeopardy. The things that some journalists uncovered about him were so problematic. It was pushing me towards not wanting to watch the show anymore if he was going to be the host. I think there were a lot of other fans who felt the same way and Sony felt that pressure. Not happy that he’s staying on a executive producer…but I guess you take what you can get. On the edge of my seat to see who they end up selecting now!

Mid-July Goals Update

~ kofriedery ~ Leave a comment

“Success is a collection of problems solved.” – I. M. Pei

Hello! I haven’t posted a goals update since the beginning of May. Things derailed a little this summer, but that was anticipated! Overall, I feel like I’m still making progress on the things that are most important this year.

Be Present – I’ve been taking time to myself to journal (almost) every day. I also have been going on weekly coffee walks with a friend of mine on Mondays and it is such a great reminder of being present in the moment and engaged with the world and people around me. Feeling good about where I am now versus where I started the year. I’ll also say that spending a lot of time painting the house this summer has helped. It’s not really a multi-tasking type activity!

Focus on the Essential – Things got a little off the rails in May and June…I bought a few clothing items that weren’t really necessary but they’ve turned out to be some of the go-to items in my closet! I been really good at using up what I have from a consumables standpoint before buying new things. And I’ve been really intentional about purchases for the house. We’ve been checking at the Habitat Restore and Facebook Marketplace for specific things, trying to buy secondhand if we can as well as only buying what is really needed. So far it’s paying off! We found a Crate and Barrel loveseat that fits the space we wanted to fill for $65!! Is it perfect? No, not perfect. But it’s comfy and cozy and we can cover the ugly fabric with a blanket for now! And honestly, the cats are equal opportunity at destroying fabric…so it doesn’t hurt as much to hear them tearing at a $65 couch as it would a $3000 one…

Stay Connected – This has gotten much easier now that things are opening back up and people are meeting up in person now! But even though I’m much more comfortable meeting up with one or a few people for drinks or coffee, I am glad that a few of my little zoom groups have continued. I know eventually I’ll travel to go see my more distant friends but it’s great that we’ve normalized FaceTime or phone calls for us where before they were such a rare thing in my circles.

Activate Inner SJW – This one had felt like an epic fail for me so far this year. I reached out to a few nonprofits about volunteering and either never heard back or was told that they aren’t accepting new volunteers during the pandemic. So…I need to put this back on my to-do list for finding the right place to volunteer. In the meantime, I’ve been seeking out expert voices to continue my education about systemic racism and continuing conversations with people around me.

As for the other goals I had recently, I think I’ve been doing pretty well. I’ve been using a habit tracker for some of the daily items and it helps a lot!

  • Hike 20 miles/other regular movement – I did 20 miles in both May and June and I’m on track for another 20 this month! I’ve been leaving the dog at home to tackle some longer hikes and really enjoying spending more extended time out in nature. I’ve also been doing short body weight exercises a couple times a week which has been feeling really good. This week was kind of a bust in terms of movement, but we all have off weeks, right? Just get back on the horse!
  • Finish the outline and get started on research for new book – Yes! I am still doing research but I’ve written more than 25,000 words of my manuscript since the middle of May!
  • Read 5 books – I haven’t hit 5 books every month, but that’s partly because I’ve been reading some really long books. I also haven’t been making reading a priority, but I changed that this month and have added read 30 minutes to my habit tracker. It is definitely helping me move through some of my book backlog. I think I’ll easily hit 5 this month, maybe more? We’ll see.
  • Eat healthier and drink 60oz of water daily – Healthier being a relative term, things are going well in this arena. Some days I eat more Cheetos than I’d like but I am learning to really listen to my hunger cues and understand what my body is telling me. Like right now it’s saying I’ve had too much sugar over the past few days and not enough movement. So we remedy that as best we can. Also, I’ve been hydrating like a champ!
  • 15 minutes of cleaning every day – Not 15 minutes every day anymore, but I’ve definitely made cleaning or tidying part of my daily routine. For the most part, if I see something that needs doing, I do it rather than put it off. Overall this has had a really good effect on how I feel about my space. I don’t get stressed about the mess anymore.

Friday Five Things 7/2

~ kofriedery ~ Leave a comment

“The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.” – Sylvia Plath

Hi friends and happy Friday! I know I’ve been a bit negligent about posting every Friday, but things are getting busy around here! I’m planning to put out my Book Report for June on Monday and then resume regular Friday posts for the rest of the summer.

  1. Freedom to adjust expectations. For most of May I was writing a lot most days of the week. Then in June my creativity seemed to dry up for some reason. I spent the first few weeks trying to force myself into the same routine from May before I remembered that I have the freedom to adjust my expectations. So I made a shift to only asking myself to write 300 words every day. The result is that I added to my manuscript much slower this month, but I was able to actually get words on the page every day instead of sitting for two hours without any progress. Reducing the expectation on myself for a single writing session freed up the block I was having, if only a little bit. For July I plan to continue the 300 words per day and see where the rest of the summer takes me.
  2. The ability to escape to the mountains. After a few weeks of super hot weather where we live, we decided to escape to the mountains and it was definitely a cool down! A little too chilly at times to be honest, but after several days of 90 degree heat I didn’t mind a couple mornings with a fire in the fireplace. We are super lucky to have a free place to stay when we head up there and live close enough to do it on a whim. On the way up to Breckenridge this weekend, Tyler planned a little side excursion to hike up to St. Mary’s Glacier as a surprise for me. Bama loved it, rolling in the slushy ice of the glacier especially. We also did a half day Jeep trail on Friday morning and had a little lunch picnic above tree line. Nothing big, just little adventures out of our normal routine that bring me joy.
  3. Physical wellness. I’m not what anyone would call “in great shape” but this morning I was hiking and was so grateful for what my body can do for me. There have been several stark reminders in my life recently that you can’t take wellness for granted so I am going to take joy from the fact that I can hike four miles in the morning and still have energy to vacuum the whole house in the afternoon.
  4. BLTs (with avocado). No hidden meaning here…just very thankful to live in a world with ripe tomatoes in the summer for delicious BLTs.
  5. Luca. New Pixar movie released on Disney+. It isn’t a huge epic musical Disney movie, but it is so sweet and so magical. I loved watching it and I’ve been recommending it to everyone. I won’t say anything else to avoid any spoilers…but it’s just so darn adorable!

May Goals Update

~ kofriedery ~ Leave a comment

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.” – Albert Einstein

Hi Friends! I should be posting my April Book Report today, but I wanted to get my goals recapped and updated here at the beginning of the month. I’ll post the book report early next week and then have a regular Friday Five Things at the end of the week. Hope you are all having a great May so far!

Be Present – I have been working on remembering to meditate in the mornings more consistently and getting a little better at it. My journaling didn’t pick up in April like I had hoped, and I think it’s because I tried to mix it up with my workspaces. In doing so, my journal wasn’t always in the same place when I wanted to write. For May, I’m going to focus on little solutions to make both of the tasks easier and more seamless for me because I know that helps with my consistency. Aside from that, as I wrote in my post on Monday, I felt 100% present and in the moment during my week at the beach with family.

Focus on the Essential – I went through my entire wardrobe as planned and got rid of several items that either didn’t fit or I hadn’t worn in a very long time. I made a list of what I needed to replace and shopped around to find the right items at the right price to fit my needs. I think one of the differences I noticed in doing it this way is that there were a few things that I saw and liked while I was shopping, but I knew I already had something similar in my closet because I had just had my hands on it. I also returned a handful of things that just didn’t work for me and I knew that while I liked them, I wouldn’t wear them enough to justify the purchase. In the past I’d tell myself that of course I’d wear it and that returning things was too much of a hassle. I do have to admit that while on vacation the concept of only purchasing the essential kind of went out the window. We bought a few things to play with at the beach that we didn’t end up bringing home, but I feel like it was worth it for the fun we had. For May, I am going to go back to my more spartan purchasing and only buy things to replace empties. I’m also going a little more basic in my meal planning to try and reduce our grocery bill back down as it got a little out of control last month.

Stay Connected – I felt very much more connected in April than previous months. And I feel like May is going to be more of the same. I have a lot of friends who are also fully vaccinated now and I can’t wait to get together with them!

Activate Inner SJW – I reached out to two organizations to talk about volunteering. One of them is actually shut down right now because of the pandemic so they won’t need anyone until they open back up. And I’m waiting to hear back from the other about any immediate needs, as I know they are still in operation. So goal for May is to get some actual volunteer hours on the calendar!

As for the other goals I had for the month, I think I did pretty well. Starting this week I’ll be using a monthly goals and habits tracker to keep closer tabs on how I’m doing day-to-day.

  • Hike 20 miles/other regular movement – I did not hike 20 miles this month. We had some crazy spring weather with snow that got in the way. I did get in three hikes for a total just over 9 miles. I have higher hopes for May weather, although this first week has already been really cold and rainy! Targeting 20 miles again this month!
  • Finish the outline and get started on research for new book – The detailed outline still needs some work, but I have the general framework of the story sketched out. And I have definitely gotten started on research! Lots of reading and lots of ideas so far. Goal for May is to add details to my current outline and develop the main characters.
  • Read 5 books – I finished reading 3 books. Part of the reason I didn’t finish 5 is that I currently have 4 books in progress! Goal for May is to try and focus on one or two books at a time so I can actually get to the end! (2 books would be 1 fiction/pleasure reading plus 1 research book at a time)
  • Eat healthier and drink 60oz of water daily – Yes! I feel like I had a lot of success with this in April. I drank my 60oz or more every day. And I hate fairly healthy, with the exception of the brookies I talked about a couple weeks ago and some ice cream on vacation. Goal for May is to cut back on some of my excess sugar consumption. I already swapped my usual sweet coffee creamer for plain oat milk in the mornings and I’m liking it so far!
  • 15 minutes of cleaning every day – I didn’t do this every day of the month but I did most days. Going to keep this up and add the goal of decluttering and organizing all of the hall closets in the house for May.

Quick Update

~ kofriedery ~ Leave a comment

“Research is formalized curiosity. It is poking and prying with a purpose.” – Zora Neale Hurston

As I write this update, I am sitting next to a large pile of books that I can’t wait to dig into! Last week I did some preliminary research on my novel topic that pointed me in the direction of the books I should read. And while I almost exclusively read digital version of books these days, I wanted to get hard copies that I could early markup and refer back to when needed. I can’t remember the last time I was this excited to start doing research.

I know I’m going to be battling a voice inside me telling me that just reading and taking notes isn’t productive enough, but I am going to work hard to quiet that voice. Some of the stuff I want to include in my book is historical and some is just really sensitive in nature that I want to get it right. So reading and researching is key!

All that being said, things will have to look different here on the blog. Since mid-October I’ve been consistently posting here twice a week on Wednesday and Friday. Sure I’ve taken off a week here or there for holidays or vacation. But otherwise I’ve done well to stick to my commitment of posting each week. However, now that I’m ready to really dive into my novel, that’s going to have to change.

My posts are crazy long or anything, but they do take time and effort to think of a topic, organize my thoughts, write, and edit before posting. Time that right now I’d rather spend working on my book idea. So for the foreseeable future I’m going to cut my posts here back to once a week and try to post every Friday. I think this will give me a little more mental capacity during the week to devote to my research and writing.

That’s not to say there might not be extra posts during the week if I have ideas bursting forth, but I am just giving up the commitment to generate ideas on a particular schedule. And I’m writing this all out because I know there are a few people who follow this blog and read what I write twice a week.

I am so grateful to have even a few readers as the intent of this exercise was to create a habit of writing on a schedule and getting over my “stage fright” of putting my writing out there for people to read. I think I’ve accomplished both of those and now want to use this blog just for fun! Hopefully I can come here to share some of my writing process for the book as well.

So for now, I’ll just be seeing you on Fridays!

April Goals Update

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“There is no glory in star or blossom till looked upon by a loving eye; There is no fragrance in April breezes till breathed with joy as they wander by.” – William Cullen Bryant

Be Present – Being present in March looked a lot different than it did in January and February. I mostly followed my daily time blocking schedule and did really well journaling consistently at the beginning of the month. Then various family things came up and being present turned more into being present for other people. My journaling slipped the last two weeks of the month and my schedule went a little off the rails. But I put my focus and energy where it was needed most and I don’t feel like I failed at my goal in any way. One thing I still have on my aspirational goal list is meditating more often. I’ve had success with doing a couple minutes either right when I wake up or as I’m trying to fall asleep, but no consistent routine yet. So April’s goal is going to be more about consistency in these things than adding anything new.

Focus on the Essential – I bought several items in March, but they were either because I was out of a certain product/item or because I had done the research and decided it was something worth the purchase. For example, I’ve been eyeing the Cuisinart Air Fryer Toaster Oven for a few months and wanting to replace our toaster for awhile. I finally decided to pull the trigger on it when there was a deal going on for 25% off! So far Tyler uses it almost every day to make his lunch sandwiches and I use it several nights a week for dinner. I’m especially excited that we’ll be able to use it this summer on the really hot days when heating up our big electric oven turns our entire living space into a sauna! It was a good reminder that reducing excess purchases is good, but sometimes it really is worth it to make a splurge. In April I know I’ll be making some clothing purchases, so I plan to spend time going through my whole closet to determine what to keep and what to donate. Then I can make an accurate and specific plan of what I need to replace and what I want to add that can be worn with things I already own.

Stay Connected – There was a lot of human connection this month and it really felt great! In addition to spending some quality time with my family in the mountains and having a couple video calls, I also had a much needed long walk at the dog park with a very dear friend. With the weather warming up, I’m anticipating a few more outdoor gatherings with people in my near future. Also excited that more people are getting vaccinated which makes it all so much safer!

Activate Inner SJW – I did not accomplish my March goal for this intention. I wanted to find an organization I could commit to volunteering with and, while I did some initial research, I didn’t follow through in contacting anyone yet. So that’s on the docket for April!

As for the other goals I had for the month, I think I did pretty well. Starting this week I’ll be using a monthly goals and habits tracker to keep closer tabs on how I’m doing day-to-day.

  • 30 minutes of movement every day – Did not hit 30 minutes every day, but I did get in some good exercise most days of March. April is going to look a little different since the weather is getting nicer, I’m planning to get back into my hiking routine. Since I usually hike for a couple hours, it isn’t practical to do every day for me. Aiming for 2 hikes a week and a total of 20 miles for the month!
  • Add 8,000 words to my novel manuscript – I actually think I added about 6,000 words to my manuscript before I decided to ditch it for a new and better book idea. My goal for April is to finish the outline for my new book and get started on research.
  • Read 5 books – Eh, only got 4 under the belt but a couple were pretty long and involved. Setting a goal for 5 again in April and I think I’m already on track.
  • Eat healthier and drink 60oz of water daily – Doing pretty well in this area! I now don’t even have to try very hard to hit 60oz of water every day, it’s my new baseline. So trying to push that a little here and there when I feel like I need it. As for eating healthier, I’ve been doing ok on that. Definitely have been able to try out some new recipes with the air fryer using less oil to cook and that’s been great!
  • 15 minutes of cleaning every day – Yes! This has been such a game changer for me. I now rarely get annoyed with my house being dirty or the kitchen being a mess. Cleaning up the kitchen every night and spending 15 minutes doing other cleaning during the day is paying dividends in lowering my daily anxiety.

When quitting is the right thing to do

~ kofriedery ~ 2 Comments

“Keep on beginning and failing. Each time you fail, start all over again, and you will grow stronger until you have accomplished a purpose — not the one you began with perhaps, but one you’ll be glad to remember.” – Anne Sullivan

A couple weeks ago I wrote about resilience and that quitting something or changing direction should be included in our definition. I feel very strongly about this, but to be honest, I still struggle with it in my real world life. Case in point – I’ve been slogging after an idea for a book that…well…just isn’t coming together.

Every writer I’ve talked to or listened to or read about will say that your first draft is always garbage. Like…not just “needs improvement” but it will be bad, bad. The practice is to get words on the pages and to get the story moving. So I’ve been operating with that mindset for the past few months. In fact, I’ve written 30,000 words of garbage in three months! No matter what, that’s an accomplishment.

But the past few weeks I’ve been struggling to even put words on the page. Because I am trying to be consistent in my efforts, I’ve dutifully written 1,000 words every Tuesday and Thursday per my self-imposed schedule. 2,000 words a week at minimum is the plan. Yet every day that I sit down with my manuscript, I’m groaning internally and desperately looking for something else to do. Hence why my bathtub got new caulk last week.

As I’ve been toiling away and sticking to this schedule, another idea has taken root and started to grow in my mind. A better idea for a book. Something more interesting to me, something that I know better than what I’m currently writing. But I’ve been dismissing it because I’m trying to maintain the discipline to finish the story I’m working on. Trying to “stick with it.”

Finally I mentioned this to Tyler and, as an artist himself, he has a completely different perspective than I do. He is frequently starting pieces and setting them aside to start something else, before coming back to the original piece with fresh eyes to finish it. He made a comment that the general public would be surprised at how many unfinished pieces artists usually have in their studios. Sometimes starting something give you an idea for the next thing and that’s as far as it goes. It served it’s purpose as inspiration but it was never destined to be a completed piece.

I think the mental switch for me is to start thinking of myself as an artist more than a worker. As a worker in an office you don’t create from inspiration, you create from necessity or at the direction of someone else. Right now I am trying to create from inspiration, so it doesn’t make sense to be too rigid about an idea if it isn’t inspiring. This isn’t to say it won’t be work. It’s the idea I wrote about last week (Authenticity vs. Consistency) that we must have some discipline and consistency in order to accomplish anything. But, I think toiling away at a bad idea and ignoring a better story isn’t being authentic enough to what I’m trying to do.

This week I started outlining my new book and already I feel more engaged with this idea! It’s going to require a lot of research and strategy to make it happen how I want, so it feels good to be excited about something that I think is going to end up being more work. More to come as I process everything and make progress.

Authenticity vs. Consistency

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“Be yourself – not your idea of what you think somebody else’s idea of yourself should be.” – Henry David Thoreau

Several months ago I was listening to a podcast that a friend had sent to me. The episode was a conversation between two writers, just chatting about their writing processes and best practices. This was right after I had quit my job and was trying to figure out what it really meant that I wanted to “be a writer.” I had a lot of big grand plans at that point and I wanted to make sure I was doing the right thing and following the right steps to get there. (Hello Enneagram 1!)

One of the topics that they discussed was the obsession with authenticity in today’s society. The commentary of these two writers was that authenticity is at odds with consistency. And when readers (or Instagram followers, or whatever) say that they want authenticity, they don’t really mean 100%. Because 100% authenticity would look like inconsistency. And today’s readers, especially on blogs and social media, want consistency from their writers or content creators.

For some reason this idea, more than anything else I heard on that podcast, took roots and has stuck in my brain for the past 6 months. I’m constantly thinking about it. Are authenticity and consistency mutually exclusive? Can you be 100% authentic and 100% consistent at the same time? Or are we less authentic because we are consistent in our writing and delivery?

This internal conversation popped up again today because, while I usually reserve my mornings for writing, I was completely disinterested in writing today and had zero ideas for this blog post. Instead I dawdled and read and then decided today would be a good idea to strip the mildewy caulk from my tub. Now…I definitely needed to get rid of that caulk and I’ve been talking about it for months. But I can’t lie to myself and pretend that doing it today had nothing to do with procrastination of writing.

So I thought to myself, “there I go not being consistent, because I’m being authentic to my desire to do anything but write.” And maybe that was true for this morning. I ignored the voice telling me I ought to be disciplined above all else and decided to go a different direction today. But if I had forced myself to sit down and write, would that have made me more “authentic.”

I submit that it would not. After some thinking, done while I was scraping away in the tub, I think I reject the idea that being consistent makes me less authentic. Or vice versa. I do think that people can use the idea of authenticity as an excuse to shirk discipline. In the same way they can use it to avoid decency and consideration towards other people. But just because I tell myself to sit down and work at a certain time every day, no matter how I feel, doesn’t mean I’m not being true to myself.

Because the true me LOVES structure, right? I think I’ve mentioned my love affair with structure and boundaries before. I don’t think it’s any less authentically me to adhere to a schedule despite my mood, because deep down what I want is to write. What I want is to be productive and successful. If I spent every morning I didn’t want to write doing neglected chores around the house…well, my house would look a lot better than it does right now, but I think in the end I would feel like I wasn’t being the true authentic me.