Goals

Mid-July Goals Update

~ kofriedery ~ Leave a comment

“Success is a collection of problems solved.” – I. M. Pei

Hello! I haven’t posted a goals update since the beginning of May. Things derailed a little this summer, but that was anticipated! Overall, I feel like I’m still making progress on the things that are most important this year.

Be Present – I’ve been taking time to myself to journal (almost) every day. I also have been going on weekly coffee walks with a friend of mine on Mondays and it is such a great reminder of being present in the moment and engaged with the world and people around me. Feeling good about where I am now versus where I started the year. I’ll also say that spending a lot of time painting the house this summer has helped. It’s not really a multi-tasking type activity!

Focus on the Essential – Things got a little off the rails in May and June…I bought a few clothing items that weren’t really necessary but they’ve turned out to be some of the go-to items in my closet! I been really good at using up what I have from a consumables standpoint before buying new things. And I’ve been really intentional about purchases for the house. We’ve been checking at the Habitat Restore and Facebook Marketplace for specific things, trying to buy secondhand if we can as well as only buying what is really needed. So far it’s paying off! We found a Crate and Barrel loveseat that fits the space we wanted to fill for $65!! Is it perfect? No, not perfect. But it’s comfy and cozy and we can cover the ugly fabric with a blanket for now! And honestly, the cats are equal opportunity at destroying fabric…so it doesn’t hurt as much to hear them tearing at a $65 couch as it would a $3000 one…

Stay Connected – This has gotten much easier now that things are opening back up and people are meeting up in person now! But even though I’m much more comfortable meeting up with one or a few people for drinks or coffee, I am glad that a few of my little zoom groups have continued. I know eventually I’ll travel to go see my more distant friends but it’s great that we’ve normalized FaceTime or phone calls for us where before they were such a rare thing in my circles.

Activate Inner SJW – This one had felt like an epic fail for me so far this year. I reached out to a few nonprofits about volunteering and either never heard back or was told that they aren’t accepting new volunteers during the pandemic. So…I need to put this back on my to-do list for finding the right place to volunteer. In the meantime, I’ve been seeking out expert voices to continue my education about systemic racism and continuing conversations with people around me.

As for the other goals I had recently, I think I’ve been doing pretty well. I’ve been using a habit tracker for some of the daily items and it helps a lot!

  • Hike 20 miles/other regular movement – I did 20 miles in both May and June and I’m on track for another 20 this month! I’ve been leaving the dog at home to tackle some longer hikes and really enjoying spending more extended time out in nature. I’ve also been doing short body weight exercises a couple times a week which has been feeling really good. This week was kind of a bust in terms of movement, but we all have off weeks, right? Just get back on the horse!
  • Finish the outline and get started on research for new book – Yes! I am still doing research but I’ve written more than 25,000 words of my manuscript since the middle of May!
  • Read 5 books – I haven’t hit 5 books every month, but that’s partly because I’ve been reading some really long books. I also haven’t been making reading a priority, but I changed that this month and have added read 30 minutes to my habit tracker. It is definitely helping me move through some of my book backlog. I think I’ll easily hit 5 this month, maybe more? We’ll see.
  • Eat healthier and drink 60oz of water daily – Healthier being a relative term, things are going well in this arena. Some days I eat more Cheetos than I’d like but I am learning to really listen to my hunger cues and understand what my body is telling me. Like right now it’s saying I’ve had too much sugar over the past few days and not enough movement. So we remedy that as best we can. Also, I’ve been hydrating like a champ!
  • 15 minutes of cleaning every day – Not 15 minutes every day anymore, but I’ve definitely made cleaning or tidying part of my daily routine. For the most part, if I see something that needs doing, I do it rather than put it off. Overall this has had a really good effect on how I feel about my space. I don’t get stressed about the mess anymore.

May Goals Update

~ kofriedery ~ Leave a comment

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.” – Albert Einstein

Hi Friends! I should be posting my April Book Report today, but I wanted to get my goals recapped and updated here at the beginning of the month. I’ll post the book report early next week and then have a regular Friday Five Things at the end of the week. Hope you are all having a great May so far!

Be Present – I have been working on remembering to meditate in the mornings more consistently and getting a little better at it. My journaling didn’t pick up in April like I had hoped, and I think it’s because I tried to mix it up with my workspaces. In doing so, my journal wasn’t always in the same place when I wanted to write. For May, I’m going to focus on little solutions to make both of the tasks easier and more seamless for me because I know that helps with my consistency. Aside from that, as I wrote in my post on Monday, I felt 100% present and in the moment during my week at the beach with family.

Focus on the Essential – I went through my entire wardrobe as planned and got rid of several items that either didn’t fit or I hadn’t worn in a very long time. I made a list of what I needed to replace and shopped around to find the right items at the right price to fit my needs. I think one of the differences I noticed in doing it this way is that there were a few things that I saw and liked while I was shopping, but I knew I already had something similar in my closet because I had just had my hands on it. I also returned a handful of things that just didn’t work for me and I knew that while I liked them, I wouldn’t wear them enough to justify the purchase. In the past I’d tell myself that of course I’d wear it and that returning things was too much of a hassle. I do have to admit that while on vacation the concept of only purchasing the essential kind of went out the window. We bought a few things to play with at the beach that we didn’t end up bringing home, but I feel like it was worth it for the fun we had. For May, I am going to go back to my more spartan purchasing and only buy things to replace empties. I’m also going a little more basic in my meal planning to try and reduce our grocery bill back down as it got a little out of control last month.

Stay Connected – I felt very much more connected in April than previous months. And I feel like May is going to be more of the same. I have a lot of friends who are also fully vaccinated now and I can’t wait to get together with them!

Activate Inner SJW – I reached out to two organizations to talk about volunteering. One of them is actually shut down right now because of the pandemic so they won’t need anyone until they open back up. And I’m waiting to hear back from the other about any immediate needs, as I know they are still in operation. So goal for May is to get some actual volunteer hours on the calendar!

As for the other goals I had for the month, I think I did pretty well. Starting this week I’ll be using a monthly goals and habits tracker to keep closer tabs on how I’m doing day-to-day.

  • Hike 20 miles/other regular movement – I did not hike 20 miles this month. We had some crazy spring weather with snow that got in the way. I did get in three hikes for a total just over 9 miles. I have higher hopes for May weather, although this first week has already been really cold and rainy! Targeting 20 miles again this month!
  • Finish the outline and get started on research for new book – The detailed outline still needs some work, but I have the general framework of the story sketched out. And I have definitely gotten started on research! Lots of reading and lots of ideas so far. Goal for May is to add details to my current outline and develop the main characters.
  • Read 5 books – I finished reading 3 books. Part of the reason I didn’t finish 5 is that I currently have 4 books in progress! Goal for May is to try and focus on one or two books at a time so I can actually get to the end! (2 books would be 1 fiction/pleasure reading plus 1 research book at a time)
  • Eat healthier and drink 60oz of water daily – Yes! I feel like I had a lot of success with this in April. I drank my 60oz or more every day. And I hate fairly healthy, with the exception of the brookies I talked about a couple weeks ago and some ice cream on vacation. Goal for May is to cut back on some of my excess sugar consumption. I already swapped my usual sweet coffee creamer for plain oat milk in the mornings and I’m liking it so far!
  • 15 minutes of cleaning every day – I didn’t do this every day of the month but I did most days. Going to keep this up and add the goal of decluttering and organizing all of the hall closets in the house for May.

April Goals Update

~ kofriedery ~ Leave a comment

“There is no glory in star or blossom till looked upon by a loving eye; There is no fragrance in April breezes till breathed with joy as they wander by.” – William Cullen Bryant

Be Present – Being present in March looked a lot different than it did in January and February. I mostly followed my daily time blocking schedule and did really well journaling consistently at the beginning of the month. Then various family things came up and being present turned more into being present for other people. My journaling slipped the last two weeks of the month and my schedule went a little off the rails. But I put my focus and energy where it was needed most and I don’t feel like I failed at my goal in any way. One thing I still have on my aspirational goal list is meditating more often. I’ve had success with doing a couple minutes either right when I wake up or as I’m trying to fall asleep, but no consistent routine yet. So April’s goal is going to be more about consistency in these things than adding anything new.

Focus on the Essential – I bought several items in March, but they were either because I was out of a certain product/item or because I had done the research and decided it was something worth the purchase. For example, I’ve been eyeing the Cuisinart Air Fryer Toaster Oven for a few months and wanting to replace our toaster for awhile. I finally decided to pull the trigger on it when there was a deal going on for 25% off! So far Tyler uses it almost every day to make his lunch sandwiches and I use it several nights a week for dinner. I’m especially excited that we’ll be able to use it this summer on the really hot days when heating up our big electric oven turns our entire living space into a sauna! It was a good reminder that reducing excess purchases is good, but sometimes it really is worth it to make a splurge. In April I know I’ll be making some clothing purchases, so I plan to spend time going through my whole closet to determine what to keep and what to donate. Then I can make an accurate and specific plan of what I need to replace and what I want to add that can be worn with things I already own.

Stay Connected – There was a lot of human connection this month and it really felt great! In addition to spending some quality time with my family in the mountains and having a couple video calls, I also had a much needed long walk at the dog park with a very dear friend. With the weather warming up, I’m anticipating a few more outdoor gatherings with people in my near future. Also excited that more people are getting vaccinated which makes it all so much safer!

Activate Inner SJW – I did not accomplish my March goal for this intention. I wanted to find an organization I could commit to volunteering with and, while I did some initial research, I didn’t follow through in contacting anyone yet. So that’s on the docket for April!

As for the other goals I had for the month, I think I did pretty well. Starting this week I’ll be using a monthly goals and habits tracker to keep closer tabs on how I’m doing day-to-day.

  • 30 minutes of movement every day – Did not hit 30 minutes every day, but I did get in some good exercise most days of March. April is going to look a little different since the weather is getting nicer, I’m planning to get back into my hiking routine. Since I usually hike for a couple hours, it isn’t practical to do every day for me. Aiming for 2 hikes a week and a total of 20 miles for the month!
  • Add 8,000 words to my novel manuscript – I actually think I added about 6,000 words to my manuscript before I decided to ditch it for a new and better book idea. My goal for April is to finish the outline for my new book and get started on research.
  • Read 5 books – Eh, only got 4 under the belt but a couple were pretty long and involved. Setting a goal for 5 again in April and I think I’m already on track.
  • Eat healthier and drink 60oz of water daily – Doing pretty well in this area! I now don’t even have to try very hard to hit 60oz of water every day, it’s my new baseline. So trying to push that a little here and there when I feel like I need it. As for eating healthier, I’ve been doing ok on that. Definitely have been able to try out some new recipes with the air fryer using less oil to cook and that’s been great!
  • 15 minutes of cleaning every day – Yes! This has been such a game changer for me. I now rarely get annoyed with my house being dirty or the kitchen being a mess. Cleaning up the kitchen every night and spending 15 minutes doing other cleaning during the day is paying dividends in lowering my daily anxiety.

When quitting is the right thing to do

~ kofriedery ~ 2 Comments

“Keep on beginning and failing. Each time you fail, start all over again, and you will grow stronger until you have accomplished a purpose — not the one you began with perhaps, but one you’ll be glad to remember.” – Anne Sullivan

A couple weeks ago I wrote about resilience and that quitting something or changing direction should be included in our definition. I feel very strongly about this, but to be honest, I still struggle with it in my real world life. Case in point – I’ve been slogging after an idea for a book that…well…just isn’t coming together.

Every writer I’ve talked to or listened to or read about will say that your first draft is always garbage. Like…not just “needs improvement” but it will be bad, bad. The practice is to get words on the pages and to get the story moving. So I’ve been operating with that mindset for the past few months. In fact, I’ve written 30,000 words of garbage in three months! No matter what, that’s an accomplishment.

But the past few weeks I’ve been struggling to even put words on the page. Because I am trying to be consistent in my efforts, I’ve dutifully written 1,000 words every Tuesday and Thursday per my self-imposed schedule. 2,000 words a week at minimum is the plan. Yet every day that I sit down with my manuscript, I’m groaning internally and desperately looking for something else to do. Hence why my bathtub got new caulk last week.

As I’ve been toiling away and sticking to this schedule, another idea has taken root and started to grow in my mind. A better idea for a book. Something more interesting to me, something that I know better than what I’m currently writing. But I’ve been dismissing it because I’m trying to maintain the discipline to finish the story I’m working on. Trying to “stick with it.”

Finally I mentioned this to Tyler and, as an artist himself, he has a completely different perspective than I do. He is frequently starting pieces and setting them aside to start something else, before coming back to the original piece with fresh eyes to finish it. He made a comment that the general public would be surprised at how many unfinished pieces artists usually have in their studios. Sometimes starting something give you an idea for the next thing and that’s as far as it goes. It served it’s purpose as inspiration but it was never destined to be a completed piece.

I think the mental switch for me is to start thinking of myself as an artist more than a worker. As a worker in an office you don’t create from inspiration, you create from necessity or at the direction of someone else. Right now I am trying to create from inspiration, so it doesn’t make sense to be too rigid about an idea if it isn’t inspiring. This isn’t to say it won’t be work. It’s the idea I wrote about last week (Authenticity vs. Consistency) that we must have some discipline and consistency in order to accomplish anything. But, I think toiling away at a bad idea and ignoring a better story isn’t being authentic enough to what I’m trying to do.

This week I started outlining my new book and already I feel more engaged with this idea! It’s going to require a lot of research and strategy to make it happen how I want, so it feels good to be excited about something that I think is going to end up being more work. More to come as I process everything and make progress.

March Goals Update

~ kofriedery ~ Leave a comment

“Spring is the time of plans and projects.” – Leo Tolstoy

Alright friends! This is a long one today. Since I’ve talked so much about goal setting and accountability in the past, I’m going to keep the train rolling with a monthly update. I also want to say that I had some pretty bad winter blues from January into February and I think having tangible goals helped me from completely falling into the funk. That being said, the sun is out a little more these days and things are looking up for me, so I’m being a bit more ambitious about what I hope to accomplish in March. Hopefully you are feeling some positive effects of the longer days and nicer weather. Take that optimism and run with it!

Be Present – My goal in February was to journal daily and nail down my time-blocking strategy. While I didn’t hit every single day with the journal, it’s definitely becoming a regular habit most days and I can tell it’s helping me be present in my daily life. As for the time-blocking schedule, I made progress in figuring out what works for me but it’s not totally perfect yet. What I have figured out is that my most productive hours for writing are from 10am to noon. And then a midday break for movement, shower and lunch. Then the afternoons have been a bit more grab bag in terms of what gets done. Some days it’s errands, some days it’s cleaning, other days it’s reading or research. I think I’m still trying to find that balance between schedule and flexibility that works for me to get stuff done but also promote more spontaneity in my life. I’m adding meditation into my morning routine for March. I have found that doing a quick 5-10 minute meditation in bed when I first wake up actually helps me to get moving faster than if I try to get out of bed immediately. I’m likely to hit snooze a few times, but if I build in that expected 5 minute quiet buffer, I won’t take 20 minutes of unproductive-snooze-button-extra-sleep.

Focus on the Essential – I stuck to my agreement of only purchasing skincare or hair care to replace empties. I bought one bottle of a clarifying shampoo that was completely new to my routine, but much needed. I had one big clothing purchase, but I’m still trying to decide whether to keep it or not. Other than that I was pretty good with not purchasing anything unnecessary for myself. I did spend more on houseware purchases this month, but it’s because we did some pretty significant rearranging of furniture to better match our space. So I bought a smaller dresser for our bedroom and more bins for storage under our bed and in closets. I feel like my “focus on the essential” really helped because I did more research before buying anything, along with lots of measuring and determining what we really “needed” vs what I wanted to buy from the Container Store (which was everything). So…success! Excited to continue this trend for the rest of the year!

Stay Connected – I connected with people much more this month! I had a couple video calls and FaceTimes, texted with a few friends I haven’t been in touch with recently, and even met up with a friend (safely) in person! As I said above, I am emerging from my cocoon of winter blues and I think there was definitely an impact on my mood when I made an effort to talk to and see people. Continuing this effort into March and hoping nicer weather can facilitate more in person walks or coffee dates!

Activate Inner SJW – Making an effort to read about Black history every day in February was such a good idea. I wrote about it last week, but I was inspired, shocked, and in awe of what I learned. This month my goal is to find an organization that I can start volunteering with to create more action. I have a couple in mind to look into and will make a decision by the end of the month.

As for the other goals I had for the month, I think I did pretty well. Starting this week I’ll be using a monthly goals and habits tracker to keep closer tabs on how I’m doing day-to-day.

  • 30 minutes of movement every day – I can’t say I hit 30 minutes every day, but I did make more of an effort to do indoor workouts on the really cold and snowy days in February rather than just taking the day off. Keeping this goal for March.
  • Add 5,000 words to my novel manuscript. I exceeded this by 3,000 words! I think this was a result of my time blocking and focusing on novel writing 1,000 words just two days a week. But with four weeks in February, that totaled an added 8,000 words! So I’m going to continue the 2,000 words per week for March and attempt to add another 8,000 words.
  • Read 5 books. I only finished 4 books this month. I know my book report had 5 listed, but one was included because I forgot to write about it in January. I also picked some really long books to read in February so that definitely affected my book number. Aiming for 5 books in March!
  • Eat healthier. Yes, this goes against all my goal advice by not being specific or time bound. I do have a more specific goal and process for tracking, but I won’t share it here because it isn’t relevant to anyone else’s situation and body. In addition to trying to eat healthier, I also have a goal of drinking 60 oz of water every day. I usually end up drinking 48-50 oz, so I’m just upping by a glass or two per day.
  • 15 minutes of cleaning every day. I have a tendency to procrastinate housework until it becomes too bad to ignore. And it creates a really bad mental cycle for me of stress and criticism for letting it get so bad. Recently I’ve been adding 15 minutes of cleaning to my to do list every day and I think it’s been helping me stay on top of things and feel better about my space. I mean, I’ve been stuck in my house for a year…it’s about time I made an effort to keep it clean and tidy!

“She stood in the storm and when the wind did not blow her way, she adjusted her sails.” – Elizabeth Edwards

~ kofriedery ~ 3 Comments

The definition of resilience, as defined by Merriam-Webster, is 1: the capability of a strained body to recover its size and shape after deformation caused especially by compressive stress; 2: an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change.

Now, the primary definition is how resilience is used within the context of physics. And the secondary definition is what we commonly mean when we label a person as resilient. But I think the two together can be applied to how we have coped with the past year! I mean, I feel particularly deformed by stress and am hoping I have the capability to recover my size and shape!

Resilience is often used as a determining factor in predicting someone’s success in life. After all, life is nothing if not constant change and if we are able to bounce back quickly, we should be able to continue on our merry way without much difficulty. However, I think people often omit one small word from their personal definition of resilience. “Adjust”

We usually expect someone who is resilient to end up back on the same path as before, regardless of the hardships thrown their way. Resiliency is often paired with perseverance in those circumstances. But what if there is a whole group of people who have managed to adjust their path and instead of recognizing their resiliency in doing so, we label them as quitters?

I was listening to a podcast recently about when it is a good idea to quit. I will try not to be too biased here because I’m actually a really big proponent of quitting…in the right circumstances. I’ll get to that in a minute. Back to the podcast, they were discussing the fallacy of sunk costs. So often we feel the need to stick with something simply because we’ve already invested so much time, energy, money, etc… But continuing down that path and investing more time, energy or money isn’t going to get us a bigger return on investment. Sometimes we do more harm by sticking with it than by quitting.

It isn’t an easy decision of when to quit something, but I think asking yourself if you are suffering by continuing, if it is still serving a long term goal you believe in, and also exploring if there are alternatives you haven’t thought of yet. The example they used in the podcast was a young woman who was playing viola but wasn’t enjoying it. Her mom was actually encouraging her to quit, but she kept sticking with it. Eventually it came out that she was continuing to play in her school orchestra, community youth orchestra, and taking private lessons on top of that because she thought it would help her get into a good college. She realized that there were so many alternative things she could do with her time, that she might actually enjoy, that would help her college applications. So she quit and never looked back.

I also really like a quote from Glennon Doyle who talks about quitting every day. “A journalist once asked me, “With the onslaught of bad news and endless needs – how do you not quit?” I said: “Oh, I do quit! Quitting is my favorite. Every day I quit. Every single day.” I wake up and I care the most amount. And then- at some point – I put it all away and melt into my people and my couch and food and nothingness. And I care not at all. I forget it all. Then I go to sleep and wake up and begin again. Begin and quit every day! Only way to survive. Embrace quitting as a spiritual practice.” She gives it all she can every day and then quits when she needs to. And is able to start it all over again the next day after she has proper rest.

All that to say, I think we need to revise how we think about resiliency. It isn’t about continuing down the same path no matter what obstacles arise. It is about learning how to recover or adapt when these things occur. Recovery could look like Glennon’s – quitting and restarting over and over. Adapting could look like quitting something that isn’t serving your goals and finding alternative pathways.

I think this has been a great year to practice resiliency, just remember that it could look different from what you’ve previously been taught. And don’t be afraid to quit.

“Accountability breeds responsibility” – Stephen R. Covey

~ kofriedery ~ Leave a comment

I’m writing this on the first day of February and I spent my journaling time this morning reflecting on January and how I did with the goals I set for myself. I do think accountability is a big part of working toward your goals, whether it’s a public announcement on a blog or just letting one close friend know what you are working towards. And since I let you all know what my January goals were I’m going to give an update here.

Be Present – my goal for January was to journal every day. I think I missed 2 or 3 days during the month, but overall I was pretty consistent for the month. I used some journal prompts to do some deeper reflection on 2020 and some dreaming about 2021. I plan to continue the daily practice of journaling for February. I am also going to be more intentional about time-blocking my days and weeks so I can be more present and focused in my tasks.

Focus on the Essential – I am very proud of myself for doing no unnecessary spending this month on material things! We did splurge on takeout a couple times, but I stuck to my goal of no new skincare products, hair care products, clothing or home decor items! It actually wasn’t too difficult until I realized that my birthday month always comes with a few “free gift with purchase” rewards at some of my favorite stores. But I then I reminded myself that even though it’s free…it isn’t something I need and therefore it was okay to let it go! I’ll continue this into February, only purchasing replacements for empties and instead making sure to use what I already have. I know I have a couple necessary clothing purchases to make, but I’m going to do my research and be really intentional about what I buy, focusing on quality that will last a long time and also looking into the sustainability practices of the companies I buy from.

Stay Connected – Well I wasn’t successful in this goal completely. I wanted to have two video calls with friends and my second one ended up getting rescheduled to later this week. I did however get to FaceTime with my family a couple times and drove up to the mountains to spend my birthday with my parents instead of being alone, even though it would have been easier to just stay home. Overall I think I made a good effort of staying connected to people instead of isolating myself! For February I want to continue doing one or two video calls, but also making an effort to reach out to a friend via text at the beginning of each week.

Activate Inner SJW – In January I made an effort to engage more on social media and share items that resonated with me. While I did share more than I had before, it didn’t feel like enough. I also signed up for Anti-Racism Daily, which is a daily email newsletter focusing on a different topic every day. I’ve really appreciated the information shared there and have also signed up for their 28 Days of Black History virtual exhibition emails for this month that will share a different work celebrating Black history in the U.S. I also plan to engage with Rachel Cargle’s daily #DiscoverOurGlory learning series where she will be providing daily prompts for people to research and learn about.

I had a couple other goals for the month that I also want to report on:

  • Walk 1 mile every day: I got outside and walked every day! A handful of days I didn’t do a full mile, but still proud of my discipline here. A couple of those short days were due to weather or local roadwork in my neighborhood, so anticipating a cold and snowy February my updated goal will be at least 30 minutes of activity every day, either inside or outside.
  • Write 500 words every week day: I did really well on this one until last week. As I said above – my plan for February is to adjust my time-blocking strategy to hopefully promote more focus and productivity. So…writing for long periods of time on a few days rather than short sessions every day. Overall I’d like to add 5,000 words to my novel manuscript by the end of the month, as well as explore some other ideas for my writing.
  • Read 5 books every month: done and done for January. And I have my February list already picked out! I read 25 books in 2020 and I think I’ll easily hit 60+ this year.