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Friday Five Things 11/5

~ kofriedery ~ Leave a comment

“Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.” – Robert Louis Stevenson

Hi Friends! Hope everyone is doing well. I’ve been seeing a lot of posts on social media about seasonal depression and I, myself, have been feeling somewhat affected by the shorter days, especially because we’ve had several days in a row of overcast weather here. Luckily the sun and blue skies are back for a bit and I’m slowly but surely remembering my winter coping mechanisms! If you are feeling down please remember that it’s okay to ask for help. And it’s okay to make changes to your routine to make things feel easier and little more gentle on the soul. And as always, remember to look for joy in the small and hidden places.

  1. Reading happy books. I just posted my October Book Report and I mentioned that the ending of one of the books didn’t sit well with me and that I think it’s more about my mental state than the actual writing. In that same vein I’m in the middle of a beautifully written book that is set during the Great Depression and it’s, well, depressing. I’m close to finishing so I’m going to push through, but I wish I had landed on this book at a different time of year. So once this is done…I’m going to lean in to Christmas-themed fluff novels and silly fantasy books and funny memoirs for a bit. Reading really can affect our mood and mental state, so why not adjust our reading lists to what we need in a given season.
  2. The Morning Show. I just started watching season 2 of The Morning Show and once again I’m hooked! If you got an Apple TV+ subscription to watch Ted Lasso and are now wondering what to watch next…add this to your list. It is just so well made and really sucks you in.
  3. Dr. Teal’s Epsom Salts. This time of year I start to add baths into my routine more regularly. I get really sensitive and itchy skin with the dry winter air in my climate and a lot of bubble baths or bath bombs just made it worse. However! Dr. Teal’s salts are both affordable and kind to my skin. I really like their blends that have oils in them for a little added moisturizing effect (Hemp Seed Oil, Shea Butter & Almond Oil, and Coconut Oil). If you are a bath person and also don’t want to spend a million dollars on tiny jars of fancy bath soaks…this might be your jam.
  4. Speakerphone. I have always been uncomfortable talking on the phone. Even when I was at that age when girls are constantly on the phone…it always gave me a bit of anxiety. When I started working in an office setting and had to be on the phone for many many hours in a day I would really have to hype myself up for each phone call. Then I discovered that using the hands free headsets seemed to help, especially if I got up and paced around my cubicle. Now that I’m not in an office and I spend most of the day at home by myself I have really been leaning into speakerphone. Guys, I can’t explain it but when I needed to call the dentist this morning I started getting that queasy stomach feeling until I remembered that I could use speakerphone and it suddenly made it seem really easy and accessible. So if you are like me and have phone anxiety, try using speakerphone to see if it helps! And also, if there’s a task that is difficult for you but a slight modification makes it seem a lot easier, lean into it! Don’t feel like you have to do it a certain way just because it seems like the “wrong way” to do it. Using speakerphone for simple calls on my cell phone when I’m home alone might not be what most people do…but it just makes things better for me so why not do it?
  5. This recipe for stuffed acorn squash. I was craving squash this week and came across this recipe during a search for stuffed squash. SO GOOD. Instead of dry white rice I used one of these packets of brown rice and quinoa that I had in my pantry. Since the rice didn’t need to cook in the pan, I reduced the chicken broth to about a quarter cup just to bring everything together. Otherwise I followed the recipe. Although next time I think I’d make two changes. 1) toast up some walnuts in the pan and add them to the stuffing at the end for a little texture and protein, and 2) add parmesan cheese into the rice mixture in addition to the topping. I usually do that when recipes call for just putting cheese on top because I like to have a bit of the flavor in every bite, but I jut forgot this time. Anyway, if you like acorn squash and mushrooms, you should definitely make this. It’s very filling and stands alone as a main dish.

October Book Report

~ kofriedery ~ Leave a comment

“The days are getting shorter but the books are getting longer.” – Me

October was a big reading month! And I expect November to be the same. There’s something sweet and magical about curling up with a good book while the sun is setting earlier and earlier. It makes things seem not so dark. For bonus points, add a hot beverage and light a candle.

Malibu Rising by Taylor Jenkins Reid – This book was pure 80s themed fluff and I loved it. We learn about the privileged but complicated lives of four grown children of a famous, but absent, father. Each sibling is struggling with something that they aren’t ready to share, but everything comes to a head at their annual party where things get pretty out of control. This would be a great vacation read, it’s pretty easy to read and the backdrop of the 80s makes for fun fashion references and celebrity name-dropping. Pick it up if you want something that won’t ask you to think too much. (Content warning: there are references to drugs, alcohol abuse, and death.)

The Last Things He Told Me by Laura Dave – I have a lot of mixed feelings about this book. The book follows a woman who is newly married when her husband’s company is raided by the FBI for fraud and he disappears. She is left to navigate the aftermath with his daughter with whom she doesn’t have a great relationship. He leaves her one message “Protect her” and that kicks off a journey that reveals shocking secrets. Now about my mixed feelings. This was a page-turner for me. And overall, I really liked it. But there were some parts of the ending that left me unsatisfied. I don’t think me saying this spoils anything, but if you like things where everything gets resolved and tied up with a bow…this book might not be for you. For me, I think it might depend on my mood. And right now with the days getting shorter and darker…I think I have less of a tolerance for books that aren’t literal works of art (see below) or complete serotonin bombs (see above!) So…I think I would have liked this book more if I had read it over the summer.

The Office of Historical Corrections by Danielle Evans – Loved this beautifully written book. It’s a series of six short stories and a longer novella that explore the common theme of how race impacts interpersonal dynamics. Each story stands alone with sympathetic characters and not-so-sympathetic characters. Evans does an amazing job of telling the truth of the everyday Black experience in America in these little bite sized stories. The novella at the end of the book spends a little more time with a Black woman who works for the government making tiny historical corrections around Washington D.C. She gets called into the field to look into the truth of an historic claim in a small town in Wisconsin. In the process, she meets up with a former colleague and they uncover a mystery from the past that has a mixed reception with the towns citizens. Highly highly recommend.

Goodnight Beautiful by Aimee Molloy – A therapist and his new wife leave the city for his small hometown. Things are going well for him until he suddenly disappears on a stormy night without a trace. The reader thinks they know what has happened, but more and more is revealed as the book goes on. I’ll be honest, I found the first third of the book a bit boring. I almost put it down without finishing but then I hit the first twist and BAM I was not expecting it at all. And it made me start reading it a lot closer but still BAM the second twist hit and I never saw it coming. The interesting thing about the twists in this book is that they say more about how you as the reader view things than they move the plot forward or change what is happening in the book. As a writer, I found this approach really interesting and engaging. However, overall the plot was kinda meh to me. So, if you’re looking for something to read while you are waiting for the book you really want to read, then this might be interesting to you. But I wouldn’t recommend that it go at the top of your list.

A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas – I can’t remember where I saw this series recommended, but I put it only list to read when I finished the available Stormlight Archive books because I generally don’t like to read two series at the same time. Anyway, this is the first book of the series and they are very much in the Young Adult genre. Or rather…the New Adult genre which I just learned about and seems to be a subset of YA but trending towards people in their 20s. So, fairly more juvenile in terms of plot and characters than the Brandon Sanderson or N.K. Jemisin books I’ve recommended on here before. The storyline revolves around a human girl who was raised knowing that faeries were dangerous and used to keep humans as slaves until the humans rebelled and won their freedom. She and her family live close to the dividing line between the human world and the faerie world, but one fateful decision results in her being taken across the line to live with the faeries. From there the plot deals in a Beauty and the Beast type romance, a evil curse that is destroying the land, and a series of tasks to save the world. Guys, I’ll totally keep reading the series but I cannot in good faith recommend this to anyone over the age of 25.

July Book Report

~ kofriedery ~ Leave a comment

“She reads books as one would breathe air, to fill up and live.” – Annie Dillard

I finally got back into the habit of reading a little bit every day and was able to finish 5 books in July! Woohoo! Lots of good fiction reads this month. I’ll have a few more non-fiction to write about after August, but there were just too many great stories recommended to me in July and I wanted to read them all!

Oathbringer by Brandon Sanderson – The third in the Stormlight series, this book really started to bring multiple characters together both in partnership and conflict. There is some really interesting character development and growth, but some of it felt too slow. Like, we were seeing someone’s day to day growth rather than it matching the pace of the rest of the story. Not sure if that makes sense, but I wanted certain characters to reach conclusions faster than they did and that made parts of the book really slog along to me. But overall I am loving this story and I can’t wait to see where it goes. There were some unexpected revelations made in this installment that set up some interesting philosophical questions that I hope are explored in depth in the next book.

The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern – This book is about a mysterious competition between magicians that takes place on the backdrop of an equally mysterious and enchanting traveling circus. It was recommended by a friend as one of her top five books. I struggle with what to say on this one because the story is really good and unique and inventive. And I was invested in the characters and what was going to happen to them. But also it felt difficult to read. I kept picking it up, excited to see what was going to happen next, only to end up putting it down again after 15 pages because it was taking too much mental energy to follow along. So I’m not sure if I would recommend it unless you are up for a challenge.

The Midnight Library by Matt Haig – On the opposite end of the spectrum, I found this book incredibly easy to read! Devoured it, quite frankly. It has such a unique premise, the main character has an opportunity between life and death to try out all the different lives she could have had if she had made different choices. While the moral of the story is pretty unsurprising, I thought the way Haig gets us there was fun and thought-provoking. It’s a quick read and I’d definitely recommend it! I think it would be a great vacation read or for a book club to discuss.

An American Marriage by Tayari Jones – This book was good but heavy. It took a bit for me to really get into the groove with the characters and how the book is written. It is told from varying viewpoints, mostly the two main characters. And it jumps forward through time, so you have to pay attention to the clues that tell you how much time has passed. The main premise shines a spotlight on our current justice system, but the story as a whole makes you think about the implications of all the different parts of a person — being a parent, being a husband or wife, being in love, being open and honest, being successful, being loyal, being true to yourself — and while the story is so vastly different from what my life looks like day-to-day, I still felt cracked open at the end. Highly recommend, but know you will be getting yourself in deep with this one.

Hallelujah Anyway by Anne Lamott – I saw someone mentioned they had read this on instagram and I decided to check it out. This is a very Lamott book in that it interweaves big lessons with her own personal experiences (and failings), bible stories, and tales from other people’s lives. She focuses on the idea of mercy, who deserves it, who gives it, who receives it, etc… I think a lot of people would say they struggle with the idea of mercy, both in giving and receiving. I do especially as an Enneagram 1. I have high standards for myself, the people around me, and the world at large. And when things don’t meet those standards, I consider the idea of justice more than I think about mercy. So this was a good read for me at this point in time. It’s a short book, about 100 pages. I’d recommend if you like Lamott’s writing style and if you are good with overtly Christian content.

May Goals Update

~ kofriedery ~ Leave a comment

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.” – Albert Einstein

Hi Friends! I should be posting my April Book Report today, but I wanted to get my goals recapped and updated here at the beginning of the month. I’ll post the book report early next week and then have a regular Friday Five Things at the end of the week. Hope you are all having a great May so far!

Be Present – I have been working on remembering to meditate in the mornings more consistently and getting a little better at it. My journaling didn’t pick up in April like I had hoped, and I think it’s because I tried to mix it up with my workspaces. In doing so, my journal wasn’t always in the same place when I wanted to write. For May, I’m going to focus on little solutions to make both of the tasks easier and more seamless for me because I know that helps with my consistency. Aside from that, as I wrote in my post on Monday, I felt 100% present and in the moment during my week at the beach with family.

Focus on the Essential – I went through my entire wardrobe as planned and got rid of several items that either didn’t fit or I hadn’t worn in a very long time. I made a list of what I needed to replace and shopped around to find the right items at the right price to fit my needs. I think one of the differences I noticed in doing it this way is that there were a few things that I saw and liked while I was shopping, but I knew I already had something similar in my closet because I had just had my hands on it. I also returned a handful of things that just didn’t work for me and I knew that while I liked them, I wouldn’t wear them enough to justify the purchase. In the past I’d tell myself that of course I’d wear it and that returning things was too much of a hassle. I do have to admit that while on vacation the concept of only purchasing the essential kind of went out the window. We bought a few things to play with at the beach that we didn’t end up bringing home, but I feel like it was worth it for the fun we had. For May, I am going to go back to my more spartan purchasing and only buy things to replace empties. I’m also going a little more basic in my meal planning to try and reduce our grocery bill back down as it got a little out of control last month.

Stay Connected – I felt very much more connected in April than previous months. And I feel like May is going to be more of the same. I have a lot of friends who are also fully vaccinated now and I can’t wait to get together with them!

Activate Inner SJW – I reached out to two organizations to talk about volunteering. One of them is actually shut down right now because of the pandemic so they won’t need anyone until they open back up. And I’m waiting to hear back from the other about any immediate needs, as I know they are still in operation. So goal for May is to get some actual volunteer hours on the calendar!

As for the other goals I had for the month, I think I did pretty well. Starting this week I’ll be using a monthly goals and habits tracker to keep closer tabs on how I’m doing day-to-day.

  • Hike 20 miles/other regular movement – I did not hike 20 miles this month. We had some crazy spring weather with snow that got in the way. I did get in three hikes for a total just over 9 miles. I have higher hopes for May weather, although this first week has already been really cold and rainy! Targeting 20 miles again this month!
  • Finish the outline and get started on research for new book – The detailed outline still needs some work, but I have the general framework of the story sketched out. And I have definitely gotten started on research! Lots of reading and lots of ideas so far. Goal for May is to add details to my current outline and develop the main characters.
  • Read 5 books – I finished reading 3 books. Part of the reason I didn’t finish 5 is that I currently have 4 books in progress! Goal for May is to try and focus on one or two books at a time so I can actually get to the end! (2 books would be 1 fiction/pleasure reading plus 1 research book at a time)
  • Eat healthier and drink 60oz of water daily – Yes! I feel like I had a lot of success with this in April. I drank my 60oz or more every day. And I hate fairly healthy, with the exception of the brookies I talked about a couple weeks ago and some ice cream on vacation. Goal for May is to cut back on some of my excess sugar consumption. I already swapped my usual sweet coffee creamer for plain oat milk in the mornings and I’m liking it so far!
  • 15 minutes of cleaning every day – I didn’t do this every day of the month but I did most days. Going to keep this up and add the goal of decluttering and organizing all of the hall closets in the house for May.

Friday Five Things 4/23

~ kofriedery ~ Leave a comment

“April hath put a spirit of youth in everything.” – William Shakespeare

  1. The Falcon and the Winter Soldier – I am a big fan of the Marvel Cinematic Universe and this new series on Disney+ does not disappoint! It follows Sam Wilson (Falcon) and Bucky Barnes (Winter Solider) in navigating the world post Avengers: End Game. It’s full of action, bad guys, and fight scenes, but also explores the global socio-economic issues that arose after the events of End Game and also doesn’t shy away from the topic of systemic racism, which in this universe affects even super heroes. As of writing this, the sixth and final episode hasn’t aired yet, but I can’t imagine it will disappoint given how good the other five have been. If you are a fan of the movies but feel nervous about the stories getting the TV treatment, give it a watch. Also…WandaVision was great but I’m liking TFATWS more.
  2. Brookie Bites from Target – You might be familiar with two-bite brownies that are sold in a lot of stores. Or the ones that are a combo of madeleines and brownies. But last week I saw, for the first time, a combo of chocolate chip cookie and brownie bites in the Target bakery section. I bought them just to see if they were any good…and man oh man are they! Like, I am obsessed with them. The texture is super moist and the flavors are just so good together. Anyway, I know some people bake these themselves but I honestly see no reason to go through the effort when the store down the street sells them and I can find nothing that I would improve upon.
  3. 2nd vaccine dose! – I got my second shot this morning and I am so excited! So far I’m feeling fine, no bad side effects. Hopefully that doesn’t change throughout the rest of the day, but I’m prepared to just shut down and rest if I need to.
  4. Grocery store flowers – Recently, every other week or so, I’ve been grabbing a cheap bouquet of flowers when I do my grocery shopping. Nothing fancy, in fact I find the cheaper they are, the longer they last! It just brings a nice pop of color and cheer to the house. I do have to be careful of what I buy because both the cats seem to love when I have cut flowers in a vase and there are a lot of common cut flowers that are pretty toxic to cats (like lilies). It’s pretty funny though when Buzz sticks his whole head into the middle of the blooms!
  5. The jury’s decision in the Derek Chauvin trial – As someone who was not in the courtroom and only read about testimonies and evidence, it seemed pretty obvious to me that Chauvin should be found guilty. I am so relieved that the jury felt the same way. I am also relieved that there will be an investigation into the police department. Because it is not enough to convict one man of using unwarranted force if there is a pattern that isn’t being addressed. This really is so much bigger than what happened with George Floyd and while the verdict allowed for an exhale of relief, a lot of people followed that up with an inhale to ready themselves for next steps.

Friday Five Things 4/16

~ kofriedery ~ Leave a comment

“So joy can be joy and sorrow can be sorrow, with neither of them casting either light or shadow on the other.” Marilynne Robinson

Before I get into the five things that brought me joy this week, I want to acknowledge that it’s been a difficult and overwhelming week for many, including myself, as we have been buffeted with news of Chauvin’s trial for the murder of George Floyd, the shooting death of Daunte Wright, and the shooting death of Adam Toledo. My heart breaks at the loss of life. And I just cannot see how any of this was justified in any way. I believe there has to be another way to handle these situations and I’m working to educate myself on what it would look like to defund or abolish the police.

On top of those horrific stories came the news of the mass shooting at the FedEx facility in Indianapolis. It can be so difficult to find moments of joy in week’s like this, and I’ll be honest, I wrestled with whether I should share anything today or not. But I will because I think it is important to remember that life is complex. That we can have our hearts break while watching the news and simultaneously be happy that we are safe and cozy in our homes. We don’t have to only feel one way or the other at any given moment. So…if you are interested in where I found my joy this week, please read on.

  1. This recipe – I made this Skillet Chicken Enchilada Bake for dinner last night and I’m already looking forward to having the leftovers for dinner tonight. I added sautéed mushrooms just because we had some that needed to be used up. It was soooo good! And super easy to put together. Also, if you don’t want to deal with cutting fresh corn off the cob, I find that the Del Monte Summer Crisp corn is the best canned corn to use as a substitute. Or frozen would work too!
  2. Planning travel – I know this is still a controversial topic, but as more and more people are getting vaccinated (we are!) and infection rates are going down in areas, we are planning some trips to spend time with family. It’s exciting and anxiety-inducing all at once! But the idea of spending quality time with people we love is worth the other feelings!
  3. New Orleans – The book I’m writing is about New Orleans so the books I’m reading right now are about New Orleans. I spent two summers volunteering down there after Hurricane Katrina and then ended up moving there full time. I stayed for 2 years and I’ve been back to visit several times but I think it has now been the longest stretch of time between visits. Instead I’ve been traveling through my books. And hearing other people describe the city I love so much in a way that only someone who knows it can understand…I’ve even teared up a few times because it feels like home.
  4. Spring snow – We always get one (hopefully) final snowstorm in mid to late April. And it came this week! At our house we got probably 6-7 inches of heavy wet snow. Do I love having my spring interrupted by winter every year? Not especially. But it is bringing much needed moisture to our drought-prone state. And since it has been warm recently, the paved areas are already melted so no need for shoveling!
  5. New clothing – After doing a thorough inventory of my closet and making a list of specific needs/wants, I ordered some new clothes and most of them arrived last week. Some are replacements for other items that were worn out or didn’t fit any more. Some are specific items that I’ve wanted to add to my wardrobe for awhile. A few things didn’t fit as expected so I’ll be returning those and only keeping the things I loved. There’s an influencer I follow on Instagram (her name is Ailsa @_happygocurly_) and she likes to say “your clothes shouldn’t hurt your feelings.” While I’m still on a healthy journey that *might* result in losing some weight, I am so happy to have clothing right now that doesn’t hurt my feelings when I put it on!

Friday Five Things 4/2 – March Book Report

~ kofriedery ~ Leave a comment

“In the case of good books, the point is not to see how many of them you can get through, but rather how many can get through to you.” – Mortimer J. Adler

Happy Friday everyone! I hope you had a great week and were able to find some good things, even if things weren’t so good. Today’s Five Things will be about the four books I read in March plus a surprise good thing that happened this week!

  • Destination Wedding by Diksha Basu – This book was…frivolous is the best word I can come up with. It was about an Indian-American girl who travels to India with her parents and her best friend to attend her wealthy cousin’s opulent wedding. One of the themes is identity, as the main character feels out of place in both America and India. She attempts to resolve this by finding the “real India” only to make some pretty serious missteps along the way. The book also divides its attention between several of the characters, each going through their own “crisis” during their time in the country, but I felt it didn’t give any of them really enough screen time. I think it would have been better served by not splitting focus. The book resolves well enough…but I didn’t find any of the characters engaging enough to be rooting for a particular outcome, if that makes sense. This book would be fine for a quick vacation read, but otherwise I’d say skip it.
  • The Darwin Affair by Tim Mason – On the other side of the spectrum, I LOVED this book. It’s a murder-conspiracy story that takes place in Victorian London. It is a purely fictional story, but historical characters like Queen Victoria, Prince Albert, Charles Darwin, Karl Marx, and Charles Dickens make appearances. It isn’t a whodunit, because the reader finds out pretty quickly who the killer is, but then you get to watch the detectives attempt to unravel the mystery from their perspective and there are certainly surprises for the reader along the way. If you like The Devil in the White City, I think you’ll like this book.
  • Down the River unto the Sea by Walter Mosley – I wasn’t 100% pulled into this book while I was reading it, but by the end I was satisfied with it. The first half was pretty slow in setting up the action for the second half. There are a lot of minor characters introduced for a few pages, then referenced in later chapters and I had a hard time keeping track of who was who in those instances. The writing also kept making me think it was written in the 70s and I would be jolted out of the story with references to cell phones and Ubers. But it’s a gritty look at a corrupt underworld of cops in New York City and the casualties caused when someone gets in the way. A very interesting book, written by a very prolific writer. While this book didn’t necessarily do it for me, the style of his writing makes me want to check out his other books.
  • The Vanishing Half by Brit Bennett – This was a page turner, as I knew it would be. Published last year, it hit the NYTimes #1 spot immediately and was on several “must-read” and book club lists. I was on the wait list to borrow it from my library for several months before I was able to get it and…it really lived up to the hype for me. The story is of twin girls who are Black and very light-skinned. They run away from home together but eventually one disappears and begins to live her life as a white woman. The themes of identity and authenticity are prevalent throughout the book, with the main characters and several more minor characters. I stayed up way past my bedtime several nights in a row to finish this because I didn’t want to put it down. There are a few overly convenient plot points designed but nothing out of the realm of possibility. Also, a lot of people I’ve seen review this book hated the ending, but I honestly thought it was the best possible way to wrap up the story. Highly highly recommend this book!
  • And…I’m getting my first COVID vaccine shot this week! I have Kaiser insurance and had signed up on their waiting list a few months ago. On Wednesday I got an email from them saying it was my turn to make and appointment and I was able to get one relatively nearby for this afternoon! I won’t lie, there was a lot of anxiety and guilt wrapped up in making the appointment because I know people who are higher risk than me in my state are still having trouble getting appointments. But then I had to remember that every shot in an arm helps the whole community and this was my turn. Hope you are all choosing to get the vaccine as well when it’s your turn!

When quitting is the right thing to do

~ kofriedery ~ 2 Comments

“Keep on beginning and failing. Each time you fail, start all over again, and you will grow stronger until you have accomplished a purpose — not the one you began with perhaps, but one you’ll be glad to remember.” – Anne Sullivan

A couple weeks ago I wrote about resilience and that quitting something or changing direction should be included in our definition. I feel very strongly about this, but to be honest, I still struggle with it in my real world life. Case in point – I’ve been slogging after an idea for a book that…well…just isn’t coming together.

Every writer I’ve talked to or listened to or read about will say that your first draft is always garbage. Like…not just “needs improvement” but it will be bad, bad. The practice is to get words on the pages and to get the story moving. So I’ve been operating with that mindset for the past few months. In fact, I’ve written 30,000 words of garbage in three months! No matter what, that’s an accomplishment.

But the past few weeks I’ve been struggling to even put words on the page. Because I am trying to be consistent in my efforts, I’ve dutifully written 1,000 words every Tuesday and Thursday per my self-imposed schedule. 2,000 words a week at minimum is the plan. Yet every day that I sit down with my manuscript, I’m groaning internally and desperately looking for something else to do. Hence why my bathtub got new caulk last week.

As I’ve been toiling away and sticking to this schedule, another idea has taken root and started to grow in my mind. A better idea for a book. Something more interesting to me, something that I know better than what I’m currently writing. But I’ve been dismissing it because I’m trying to maintain the discipline to finish the story I’m working on. Trying to “stick with it.”

Finally I mentioned this to Tyler and, as an artist himself, he has a completely different perspective than I do. He is frequently starting pieces and setting them aside to start something else, before coming back to the original piece with fresh eyes to finish it. He made a comment that the general public would be surprised at how many unfinished pieces artists usually have in their studios. Sometimes starting something give you an idea for the next thing and that’s as far as it goes. It served it’s purpose as inspiration but it was never destined to be a completed piece.

I think the mental switch for me is to start thinking of myself as an artist more than a worker. As a worker in an office you don’t create from inspiration, you create from necessity or at the direction of someone else. Right now I am trying to create from inspiration, so it doesn’t make sense to be too rigid about an idea if it isn’t inspiring. This isn’t to say it won’t be work. It’s the idea I wrote about last week (Authenticity vs. Consistency) that we must have some discipline and consistency in order to accomplish anything. But, I think toiling away at a bad idea and ignoring a better story isn’t being authentic enough to what I’m trying to do.

This week I started outlining my new book and already I feel more engaged with this idea! It’s going to require a lot of research and strategy to make it happen how I want, so it feels good to be excited about something that I think is going to end up being more work. More to come as I process everything and make progress.

Thoughts on a Monday

~ kofriedery ~ Leave a comment

Happy Monday everyone. Sorry I haven’t been very consistent in posting this month. It’s been a bit of a roller coaster. There have been some really high Highs and some really low Lows. And a whole heap of self-reflection.

As I mentioned a couple weeks ago, my grandmother passed away earlier this month. That, on top of a few other fairly serious medical issues in the family, made for a difficult year already. Paired with the fact that we passed the one year mark of Covid in the US…everything just has been feeling heavy. Then the shooting happened in Boulder last week, at a grocery store that my parents sometimes go to. The grocery store that I went to as a teenager because it was the closest to my high school. Where many of my parents’ friends and my friends’ parents live in the nearby neighborhoods.

So even though there have been really bright moments of joy in the last week (watching silly panda videos with my youngest nephew, skiing with the older two, lots of laughter around the dinner table with my whole family, more friends and family getting vaccinated) it didn’t feel appropriate or authentic to post about any of it last Friday.

I guess I’m writing today because I want to acknowledge that things get heavy. And even though it isn’t always the right move to put on a happy face in a public forum, there are still good things happening in the midst of the pain and sorrow. Even as Boulder is dealing with individual and collective heartbreak after last week’s events, it has been heartwarming at the same time to see my friends post memories of selling Girl Scout cookies at the King Soopers. To see community members come together in different ways to show their support and love.

Even though things aren’t always good, you can always find good things.

Authenticity vs. Consistency

~ kofriedery ~ Leave a comment

“Be yourself – not your idea of what you think somebody else’s idea of yourself should be.” – Henry David Thoreau

Several months ago I was listening to a podcast that a friend had sent to me. The episode was a conversation between two writers, just chatting about their writing processes and best practices. This was right after I had quit my job and was trying to figure out what it really meant that I wanted to “be a writer.” I had a lot of big grand plans at that point and I wanted to make sure I was doing the right thing and following the right steps to get there. (Hello Enneagram 1!)

One of the topics that they discussed was the obsession with authenticity in today’s society. The commentary of these two writers was that authenticity is at odds with consistency. And when readers (or Instagram followers, or whatever) say that they want authenticity, they don’t really mean 100%. Because 100% authenticity would look like inconsistency. And today’s readers, especially on blogs and social media, want consistency from their writers or content creators.

For some reason this idea, more than anything else I heard on that podcast, took roots and has stuck in my brain for the past 6 months. I’m constantly thinking about it. Are authenticity and consistency mutually exclusive? Can you be 100% authentic and 100% consistent at the same time? Or are we less authentic because we are consistent in our writing and delivery?

This internal conversation popped up again today because, while I usually reserve my mornings for writing, I was completely disinterested in writing today and had zero ideas for this blog post. Instead I dawdled and read and then decided today would be a good idea to strip the mildewy caulk from my tub. Now…I definitely needed to get rid of that caulk and I’ve been talking about it for months. But I can’t lie to myself and pretend that doing it today had nothing to do with procrastination of writing.

So I thought to myself, “there I go not being consistent, because I’m being authentic to my desire to do anything but write.” And maybe that was true for this morning. I ignored the voice telling me I ought to be disciplined above all else and decided to go a different direction today. But if I had forced myself to sit down and write, would that have made me more “authentic.”

I submit that it would not. After some thinking, done while I was scraping away in the tub, I think I reject the idea that being consistent makes me less authentic. Or vice versa. I do think that people can use the idea of authenticity as an excuse to shirk discipline. In the same way they can use it to avoid decency and consideration towards other people. But just because I tell myself to sit down and work at a certain time every day, no matter how I feel, doesn’t mean I’m not being true to myself.

Because the true me LOVES structure, right? I think I’ve mentioned my love affair with structure and boundaries before. I don’t think it’s any less authentically me to adhere to a schedule despite my mood, because deep down what I want is to write. What I want is to be productive and successful. If I spent every morning I didn’t want to write doing neglected chores around the house…well, my house would look a lot better than it does right now, but I think in the end I would feel like I wasn’t being the true authentic me.