The definition of resilience, as defined by Merriam-Webster, is 1: the capability of a strained body to recover its size and shape after deformation caused especially by compressive stress; 2: an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change.

Now, the primary definition is how resilience is used within the context of physics. And the secondary definition is what we commonly mean when we label a person as resilient. But I think the two together can be applied to how we have coped with the past year! I mean, I feel particularly deformed by stress and am hoping I have the capability to recover my size and shape!

Resilience is often used as a determining factor in predicting someone’s success in life. After all, life is nothing if not constant change and if we are able to bounce back quickly, we should be able to continue on our merry way without much difficulty. However, I think people often omit one small word from their personal definition of resilience. “Adjust”

We usually expect someone who is resilient to end up back on the same path as before, regardless of the hardships thrown their way. Resiliency is often paired with perseverance in those circumstances. But what if there is a whole group of people who have managed to adjust their path and instead of recognizing their resiliency in doing so, we label them as quitters?

I was listening to a podcast recently about when it is a good idea to quit. I will try not to be too biased here because I’m actually a really big proponent of quitting…in the right circumstances. I’ll get to that in a minute. Back to the podcast, they were discussing the fallacy of sunk costs. So often we feel the need to stick with something simply because we’ve already invested so much time, energy, money, etc… But continuing down that path and investing more time, energy or money isn’t going to get us a bigger return on investment. Sometimes we do more harm by sticking with it than by quitting.

It isn’t an easy decision of when to quit something, but I think asking yourself if you are suffering by continuing, if it is still serving a long term goal you believe in, and also exploring if there are alternatives you haven’t thought of yet. The example they used in the podcast was a young woman who was playing viola but wasn’t enjoying it. Her mom was actually encouraging her to quit, but she kept sticking with it. Eventually it came out that she was continuing to play in her school orchestra, community youth orchestra, and taking private lessons on top of that because she thought it would help her get into a good college. She realized that there were so many alternative things she could do with her time, that she might actually enjoy, that would help her college applications. So she quit and never looked back.

I also really like a quote from Glennon Doyle who talks about quitting every day. “A journalist once asked me, “With the onslaught of bad news and endless needs – how do you not quit?” I said: “Oh, I do quit! Quitting is my favorite. Every day I quit. Every single day.” I wake up and I care the most amount. And then- at some point – I put it all away and melt into my people and my couch and food and nothingness. And I care not at all. I forget it all. Then I go to sleep and wake up and begin again. Begin and quit every day! Only way to survive. Embrace quitting as a spiritual practice.” She gives it all she can every day and then quits when she needs to. And is able to start it all over again the next day after she has proper rest.

All that to say, I think we need to revise how we think about resiliency. It isn’t about continuing down the same path no matter what obstacles arise. It is about learning how to recover or adapt when these things occur. Recovery could look like Glennon’s – quitting and restarting over and over. Adapting could look like quitting something that isn’t serving your goals and finding alternative pathways.

I think this has been a great year to practice resiliency, just remember that it could look different from what you’ve previously been taught. And don’t be afraid to quit.